From the Promoter

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NEW SWEARS

Sammy J Scorpion, Scru Bar, Beej Eh, and Nick Nofun are New Swears, and New Swears are a garagepunk
band specializing in melodic horseplay. They come from Ottawa, Canada... more specifically, they
come from the Fun Boy Club House, a house in Ottawa they all lived in together with two bars, a mini
ramp, a tattoo gun (but no actual tattoo artists), motorcycle tire burnout skids in the form of an inverted
cross on the front walkway, rats and squirrels that made enough appearances indoors to be given
names, murals everywhere, and a liberal 'where should I piss?' policy.
That paragraph right there might be enough to make your average jaded old punk hate them, but their
saving grace is that there's a big difference between try-hard and work-hard. New Swears are definitely
the latter.
Despite regularly partying themselves into the emergency room, these dudes have still managed to put
out a split tape and two full length LPs; gone on tours of the States, Canada, and Europe; self-released a
shocking amount of shocking music videos (that always seem weirdly influenced by boy-band video
aesthetics just as much as they are by CKY/Jackass and alcohol); and did it all without breaking anything
more serious than legs and arms and TVs and walls, and without pissing off anybody who isn't a cop or a
landlord.
These guys will spend an hour trying to perfectly catapult a bucket onto a head, or flip a dart (that's a
cigarette for any non-working class Canadians out there) perfectly into a mouth until they nail it. The
result is something incredibly stupid, that took an unreasonable amount of work and patience, but is
surprisingly satisfying to watch happen.
The same goes for their music, it might seem simple, you might get the impression YOU could write
songs that catchy and raw, but you can't, you didn't, and New Swears out-practiced, out-partied, and
out-worked you to get it done. Deal with it.
The band has signed with Dine Alone records and will be releasing the Brand New Spot/Sugar Heavy
Metal 7 inch on November 4th. More shows, shenanigans and a full length record will come in 2017.

Promoter